Food for thought
As I browsed through my notes on non-verbal communication, I found myself pondering the role of the various mechanisms of non-verbal communications during the courting phase of a relationship. Often, the persons who are considering taking a friendship to the ‘next level’, heavily favor the usage of non-verbal communication over the seemingly daunting task of expressing one’s feelings explicitly; this is particularly true of asians who tend to be more conservative and inherently shy, and prefer to signal their interest or disinterest in subtle ways which serve to forge an unspoken ‘mutual understanding’.
I recall from personal experience, the fascinating and exciting exchanges of nonverbal ’signals’ between me and potential partners in days gone by; the relevance of paralinguistics, oculesics, haptics, proxemics and physical appearance all played major roles in these unspoken but vitally important pre-relationship ‘exchanges’.
For example, with reference to paralinguistics, the mutual use of a subtly flirtatious and conscientiously gentle tone, whether consciously or subconsciously, often served as affirmation of my relational interest in the other party and confirmed my suspiscions of the authenticity of the other party’s similar interest in me. In addition, the experience of ‘comfortable silence’ in each other’s prescence is often an indicaton of the attainment of an unprecedented level of comfort and enduring interest between two parties; in my case, this was always an important indicator that things could possibly work out between me and the potential partner.
The use of oculesics manifested itself in various forms. The prolonged ‘meeting of the eyes’ holds greater significance then physical gazing and implied attraction, indicating a high level of comfort in the blossoming relationship and in actuality, is a rather explicit expression of mutual interest; often, this sustained ‘locking of eyes’ served as another supplementary indicator of the other party’s interest in me, and reassured me in the knowledge that a potential relationship was indeed on the cards should i choose to proceed.
The exemplification of the mechanisms of haptics frequently involved physical flirtation, such as the gentle but deliberate brushing of one’s arm against the other party, or the gradual and natural increase of mutual physical contact as both parties become more comfortable with each other and secure in the knowledge of their mutual romantic inclinations; this is also representative of the concept of proxemics and the gradual advance towards intimate distance and beyond as the relationship develops in a positive direction. I recall an occasion when I walked a certain potential partner home. While both of us were obviously aware of the prescence of mutual interest and the inevitability of a romantic relationship materializing eventually, we both stubbornly refused to take the intiative in voicing such a prospect. During the walk, what began as the gentle brushing of arms, eventually culminated into the holding of hands and a tender first kiss before the night was up.
The role of nonverbal communication is absolutely crucial to the development or cessation of relations between people and the effective utilization of such mechanisms could possibly lead to finding that elusive person who we glorify as ‘the one’.
Indeed, the next time you approach a potential relationship, be conscious of the intrinsic workings of nonverbal communication in your interactions, and grasp the power to possibly steer the relationship in whichever direction you may prefer.
